Guest
Kids Etiquette and Advice for the Bride
It
is always nice to include the children of your
guests, if you can. But how do you entertain them
in the time that they are there? How should they
come dressed? Should you bring the stroller for
them? Should they look like the wedding party?
Does the bride provide kiddy meals? Here are some
helpful advice tips to help you through it so
that everyone is comfortable including the child.
Notice, our responses are "Advice" and
not necessary the "Answer". Use this
as a guide, not the rules. In weddings, there
are no hard and fast rules- its what works best
for everyone!
Situation
I'm having my reception in the church
hall and have arranged to have them open and staff
the nursery (at my expense). I want all children
under 12 to go to the nursery where I will have
food and age appropriate activities. I want everyone
to have fun, but, at the last reception I went
to, the little kids wandered, unsupervised, getting
into mischief. Please, advise me.
How do I let people
know about that I am planning daycare during the
wedding?
There are two ways to let people know... first
is a phone call after you get back the RSVP stating
that they are going to bring their young one.
Secondly, at the church make sure to have information
available to the parents about the service.
Should I make a call and check with the
parents about allergies or diet restrictions?
Yes. Those that do have allergies will either carry food
with them that the child can eat or let you know implicitly
what they are. You can ask this of the parents when you
call. Make sure that the staff knows that there are foods
that are not appropriate for all ages like honey, nuts
and strawberries, etc. NO SUGAR! And ask someone who may
know the children to sit for them during your ceremony
so that they are comfortable with that person. Maybe ask
one of your parents for a name.
Should I suggest they bring a set of play clothes
or just provide smocks to keep the kids clothes
clean?
We all think it's a great idea for you
to do this... but want to stress that you should
only have activities that will not require smocks or play clothes ie: no finger paints.
Remember, this is still a wedding and you don't
want to turn back over children who need a bath!
Those that need bibs will probably have them in
the diaper bags.
Do I still include the kids names on the invitations?
This is tricky- if you do want them to attend, then yes,
or simply make a call to see if they will be coming with
their parents. This depends on the formality of the event.
If you choose not to have guests children at your wedding,
you need to state this on your invitations and have your
wedding party spread the "nice word". You may
elect to use "Adult Event" or "Adult Event
Only" on the bottom of the invitation or RSVP card
in a smaller font size.
**Remember, guests who have children NEED to be informed
so they can make prior arrangements, its only fair to
everyone. Don't assume that the children will not come,
because not everyone has the same thinking. You are asking
for wedding trouble if you let this go!
What do I do if the parents ignore my request
to not have young children at my reception?
You cannot make or force them to turn over their child,
as some may be uncomfortable not knowing who is watching
them. Just rest assured that those types of parents rarely
let the child out of their site anyway. That's why the
bride (or better yet, maid of honor or bridesmaids) need
to talk to the parents prior to that day so that the child
can get excited about the wedding and want to go and see
more kids to "play". You take the pressure off
of the parents and the child- everyone is HAPPY!
NOTE:
We recently attended an event where it was stated "Adult
Event" on the bottom of the RSVP card, and when we
got there, we could see the reasoning why it was asked
upon us. It was on top of a roof building in downtown
Los Angeles where there could have possibly been immediate
danger to a young child. As the bride and groom, use your
good judgment, if it is not safe or appropriate for children
to attend, then don't invite them. As we found out from
our friend, who had to purchase special liability insurance
to use this building, that it was not recommended to have
young children there. The building was deemed historical,
so it had no updated safety guard rails and lots of stairs
in the back that spelled danger. Remember, in all events
you are ultimately responsible morally and financially
for the safety of your guests. Be smart.
What is the the proper etiquette for
carrying a 5-month old to the reception. Should
I bring him in via his carrier, a lightweight
stroller, or hold him? The reception is being
held at a winery/vineyard.
We're not sure there is "etiquette "
that covers this - but would just go with the
mode the baby is least likely to cry in. Do what
works best for you - but take our advice - don't
bring EVERYTHING "just in case", because
you may just end up holding him/her the whole
time! You
should travel with all of the items that are necessary
to soothe the baby when at home. If you normally
rock the baby, bring the carrier so you can rock
it. If you carry the baby in a sling, bring that.
But if your baby needs everything but the kitchen
sink to make them happy, you might consider hiring
a sitter for the few hours you are away. Remember,
this is someone else's big day!
We (my children included) are invited
to a formal night wedding- what is appropriate
for my son and daughter to wear? I don't want
to upstage the children in the wedding.
If it is a black tie event (usually stated on the invitation),
then it is appropriate for your son to wear a tuxedo or
black suit (not any other color) and a black tie or bow
tie. See our affordable selection of tuxedos varying in
sizes from 6 months to boys size 20. Your girl should
be dressed in a formal dress, but not white to compete
with the flower girl. If you know that you will be asked
to be in wedding photos, then you should check with the
bride for suggestions ahead of time and do not disturb
her right before the wedding with this, see the maid of
honor. Usually dresses in complimentary wedding colors
are recommended and look best.
If the event is not black tie, then regular dress-up
clothes are recommended. Boys should be dressed
in little suits and/or vests are a good way to
get a formal look with comfort. Girls should be
dressed in her best church dress or party dress.
Shoes should be clean with no scuffs and comfortable
dress-up style. No matter what, you should not
put your children in tennis shoes or flip flops-
they look really bad in photos. The only time
we've seen flip flops look good is in a wedding
on a beach in Maui. So if you're not in the sand,
put on your formals!
NOTE: How often does this happen? Your whole family
is dressed up? Just think, you may want to take
the opportunity to have the photographer shoot
some great formals while you have the chance. These
pictures turn into great gift ideas for the holidays
and birthdays. You will very surprised at how
less expensive they are bought as a "copies"
from the wedding photographer as opposed to the
sitting fees and portrait costs from the outside
studios.
My caterer is charging $200.00 per head and I
have 10 children as guests, should I have to pay
$2000.00 for 10 children who would love a $1.99
McDonalds happy meal?
When planning the wedding, you should address
this before you sign a contract. If you talk to
a caterer who will not give you a discount for
children---RUN. Run like the wind to one who will-
$2000.00 for 10 kids- no way! It is common to
negotiate the meal price with
caterers, but cake cutting, drink costs and other
applicable charges are the usually the same. If
there is a head count charge for alcohol, then
have them cut out that charge for kids. Most children
love hamburgers and french fries and serving them
a special meal would ensure that everyone is well
fed and happy. But check with the parents and
caterer for ideas for food before putting your
plan into action. And hey, if everyone agrees
on McDonalds, the drive thrus are always open!
NOTE: One of our customers wrote
in and said was charged 1500.00 extra by the caterer
for the children who were guests. She stated that
she had "counted" them as guests but
had forgotten they would not be
at the ceremony because she had pre- arranged
for a sitter to take them to the movies and dinner
after the ceremony. She was stuck paying the bill
due to her giving the caterer the wrong number.
Remember, caterers always buy enough food (plus
some) for the head that you give them and will
stick to their contract when you try to get a
discount AFTER the wedding.
And this is true in reverse...caterers will, and
can charge you an additional bill after the wedding
if you had extra people over the head count given.
Yes, you can bet you will be charged- this holds
true for extra guests that may arrive and take
a plate even on a buffet dinner. Caterers know
all the tricks and do their counts with the plates
and when your guests are seated and served. Read
your contracts, we know it will be there and if
it is not, address it before you sign-Be smart,
not sorry! Its not the first bill you want see
as you return from home your honeymoon.
